In my 20 years, there was no harder moment than when I decided to tell my parents about my rape. For almost a year I kept my thoughts and emotions to myself, refusing to tell a soul. I wish I could tell you that it was easy, the best thing I had ever done, but it wasn’t. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t in the best of states when I finally opened up. I was very drunk, so drunk that when my mother came to pick me up, I spilled the beans. The next morning I completely ignored her and went on with my day. I now know that was selfish, because my mother spent the whole day feeling the exact same way I had for the eight months prior. When I finally grew the courage to talk to her, I didn’t know how to react. I laughed and joked, almost as if I was hiding my emotions through humour.
I took it step by step.
I told her what had happened in the briefest way possible. And no matter how much she begged, I never told her his name. I still haven’t. After this, there was a release of emotions. I felt relieved and scared all at the same time. The worry of being defined by the ordeal was a regular occurrence, especially once more family members started to find out. I was worried people wouldn’t believe me, and sometimes I feel the same way now. But my mother was the first of many, because as time went on I could feel my strength grow, it grew easier to talk, to speak out. I stopped worrying about what people thought, I realized that those that didn’t believe me were not worth my precious time, and that the only person letting it define my personality, was me.
I do encourage people to speak out, but I know better than anyone it’s not that simple. But if you do decide to do so, I would recommend not getting completely pissed before hand…! Think about what your going to say, decide what you want someone to know, remember it’s okay not to share everything (but totally awesome if you decide to share it all, I couldnt). But my most important advice is not to feel pressured to speak out. At the end of the day it’s your story, and your freedom to share whenever you are ready, if ever.
If you would ever like to share your story, or speak out in the slightest of ways, please feel free to message me. I would rather have an email full of problems than for people to suffer in silence.
Stay strong, there is always a brighter side ❤❤❤