business · Mental health · poetry · Sexual assault · writing

Burn it all.

After writing the power of photo journaling yesterday, I decided to write another journal post!

2020 has been a challenging year for everyone, from natural disasters to the biggest world crisis we have seen since World War 2, which has a major impact on mental health across the globe. Ever since my country was put on lockdown, I have been living at home with my parents, which at twenty two years of age, can be very challenging. I went from having my own freedom, my own small place and my own rules, to suddenly living under someone else’s roof. After a few weeks, I noticed my mental health began deteriorating, and I was beginning to fall down the same dark hole I did a few years ago. I was having nightmares, feeling extremely down and losing once again a sense of purpose. I knew I couldn’t go back to my old ways, I knew I couldn’t let this beat me again. So, I decided to buy a journal, a nice leather journal. But this wasn’t a normal journal, I didn’t want to document my days or write down my thoughts, no, I wanted to write my story. I wanted to write down every last detail of the sexual assault. This wasn’t therapeutic obviously, this was stressful, and I was bringing some rather negative thoughts back up. I would spend about an hour a day writing it word for word, some parts I had never said before, or even admitted to myself. As I mentioned, this was not a fun time, and in all reality didn’t help my mental state at first.

But, once I had finished writing everything I felt I needed to, I ripped out all the pages, lit a fire, and threw them in. Thats right, I burnt every page I had written in this brand new journal. And just like that, I closed the vessel. I had let out every negative emotion and thought I felt towards that event, every last one. And then I burnt it, let it go, admitted that its time to move on and not let it effect my mental health anymore. Obviously I’ll never forget it, and some part of me will never get over it, but this little activity stopped myself from dwelling on it, letting it take over my life. The problem was, there was a lot of information and thoughts that I had kept to myself, letting it rot me from the inside it. I needed to write it down, I needed to admit to myself that this happened. But I also needed to let it go, let it burn with my negativity towards it.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with mental health, and this was mine. Whats yours? Let me know in the comments!

2 thoughts on “Burn it all.

  1. Sorry to know that you have been through this, but well done on how you dealt with negative feelings.
    And with freedom, even as someone who dpes live with my Dad at 17, the reduced freedom stiol felt rather strange and difficult.

    Like

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