Let’s talk about the ‘R’ word

I have many mental health projects on the way, as I think I had a realisation that I have drifted away from the whole mental health topic lately. One project I have coming up that I am very excited to be working on is “mental health for kids!”, which is all about raising awareness and teaching children across the world the importance of mental health and self care, and how to reach out to someone when you are feeling ‘blue’. But my current project is the one I am most excited about – “Let’s talk about the ‘R’ word”, which is all about, and everything associate with Rape. If you have been viewing my blog for a while now, you would know that I have openly shared my story and the effects it has had on not only my mental health, but my family’s also. My intention for this project is to join forces with other survivors, and spread awareness on the topic, and how it can effect someone. There have been so many cases lately where the victim has been blamed for the event, told they ‘asked’ for it by wearing a provocative outfit, or giving flirtatious signs, or anything else they can think of as an excuse. But the thing is, there is no excuse – no means no. When it happened to me, I was wearing a pretty floral dress that covered my neck and knees. I wasn’t flirting, I did know him, and I did say no – multiple times. But even though I knew I did nothing wrong, I was afraid to tell anyone or go to the police as I had this fear that I would come out as the bad guy. And I know there are many other girls across the world that feel the same way. Sometimes it’s not even rape, but touching, catcalling or inappropriate language and behaviour. Whatever the case, most women I know have the fear, and it’s not right. That is why this project is so important to me, it’s a chance for women to stand up and shout what they have been bottling up inside. I am not saying this is going to make a miraculous change to the justice system, but by joining forces, you have a greater chance for change.

If you are someone that has been through any form of sexual assault, reach out to me. I have been there, I know the feeling of having no one, I know the fear of talking, I know how it can break away every part of your soul. The ‘Me Too’ campaign made a difference in Hollywood, but not in normal day to day lives. So if you see this post, share it on social media with the hashtag #standforwomen and spread the word for this new campaign.

Once again, thank you for all of your support and generosity for the blog, my life would honestly be so different without it and you all!

Screen Shot 2019-01-18 at 07.14.04

A Place To Think

Since I haven’t written a walking piece for a while, I thought I’d share my most recent walk with you all. As Christmas is fast approaching, and I live in Wales, we are having our annual ‘wet’ Christmas. So, with this in mind, my walks have been less frequent and not as long. But, nonetheless, I have been exploring. Yesterday’s walk was rather pleasant, hiking up to my favourite spot on the Brecon Beacons. About a mile from my house, up the mountain, there is a quiet and hidden location overlooking the surrounding mountains, with a small bench to take soak up the view. This is my favourite spot for a number of reasons:

  1. It’s not a long hike, just enough exercise for a miserable and cold day.
  2. It’s a great spot for a picnic
  3. The view is impeccable, overlooking all of the surrounding mountains and forestry – which is beautiful, even on a rainy day.
  4. It’s a great place to sit, relax and gather my thoughts.

Now that university is over for the term, and the stress of finals is finally over, I feel I can relax and take some time to focus on my job and thoughts. If I have learnt anything from this blog, it’s that we all need a little time to think, to cry and let out our internal screaming. And what better place to do that than on a small bench on the top of a mountain?┬áSo what do I do when I am up there? I sit on the bench and open my notebook. I write a poem, a story or even a diary entry. I turn my thoughts into words and drawings.

Here are some photos for you to enjoy:

IMG_1234IMG_1233IMG_1238IMG_1235

(Sorry about the quality, too much blooming rain!)

As my time has finally freed up, I will be posting on the blog more often, aiming for either once a day, or every other day. The posts may be short some days, as I am currently working out ways to expand the blogs content. I am now open to ideas, and if anyone has a topic that they would like to see on the blog, or a story they are interested in reading, then please feel free to comment or contact me.

Thank you,

Screen Shot 2019-01-18 at 07.14.04

A Very Lonely Christmas

As most of you know, I am a student based here in the UK, studying creative writing. As the Christmas deadlines were fast approaching, I decided to write a small graphic novel on homelessness at Christmas time, the worst time of year for many. The piece highlights the difficulties of being homeless, especially how our mental health and state can affect the way we perceive ourselves. Ive decided to share what I have created with you all, and I hope you can take something away from it.

Enjoy!

Screen Shot 2019-01-18 at 07.14.04

 

Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.11.34Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.13.06Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.13.26Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.13.43Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.13.56Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.14.09Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.14.25Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.14.37Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.14.50Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.15.02Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.15.18Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.15.35Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.15.51Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.16.07Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.16.26Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.16.40Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.16.56Screen Shot 2019-12-17 at 13.17.07

What do you do when the man who hurt you moves on with his life?

This is a question I have been asking myself daily, since I found out he got married. It’s hard to imagine him being a compassionate and loving husband, but how would I know? The man I knew was not a man, he was a monster. He made me feel small, like I was nothing more than a bug to be squished. So again, I ask, what do you do when the man who hurt you moves on with his life? What do you do when he moves on, but you haven’t? I have been riddled with revenge the past few days, the words “if I cant move on, then neither can he” playing in my head like a broken record. But what good will that do? Apart from destroy multiple lives for the greater good of my own ego. As time goes on, the more I realise that the true strength comes not just from dealing with it, or moving on, but pretending it never happened. Pushing it aside as he has, and saying goodbye to the past. Focussing on my new life, and making it my mission to be forever happier than he ever will be. Working hard for a better job, a family that cares for me, children to bring up. Because the sweetest revenge, is being happier, and pitying the person I once feared.

The women in my family have always been strong, my mother being one of them. I always looked up to them with admiration, they were and are who I want to be, someone who can walk down a busy street with her head held high, with passion and strength. Someone who isn’t afraid to speak up, tell people what she thinks. Someone who, even when on their last thread, gets up every morning and carries on till they finally make something of themselves. I longed to be that person. I am that person.

So to answer my own question, what do you do when the man who hurt you moves on with his life? You move on too, just ten steps ahead.

 

Walking and depression

This morning I decided to take part in a different activity in my local area. Although I have gorge walked in the past, I have never experienced it like this before. The activity can be dangerous, and you most definitely need to know what you are doing, and have the right equipment, but it is the most fun I have personally had in a long time. I decided to write this post, not to talk about gorge walking as a whole, or share my experience of the activity in my local area, but talk about the impact activities such as this have had on my mental health.
67293805_384584232191137_8984143951900442624_n
Since my breakdown last year, I have been searching for an activity that will take my mind of everyday struggles, and although hiking and walking is still a personal favourite, I just cant beat the feeling of success after climbing up a flowing waterfall. Once I reach the top of the waterfall, although tired and dehydrated, I feel a sense of purpose. A feeling of ability and strength, that if I am strong enough to climb up a rocky waterfall, then I am strong enough to fight of my inner demons.
66771586_355592085123751_9047135462682001408_n
A year ago yesterday I began this blog, and started sharing my story with the world. I never thought I would have the response I have had, but it has proved to me that not all stories should be kept quiet. Sharing this story has turned my life around completely, and turned me into the stronger person I am today.
This morning I woke up for the first time in a while, with a smile on my face and a feeling of success. I can now see myself with a future, and one I am most definitely willing to work and fight for.
Screen Shot 2019-01-18 at 07.14.04